I beg tolerance to do
funerals in my own way.
When I sit in the back of the church
watching how others do funerals
I realize that
I do them very differently.
Some in the front
clearly seem to like
the solemn religious tone
of the ceremony.
Others listen
to the homilies with interest
and laugh at the punch lines.
For some it is the hymns
sung from song books
or by the choir.
Sitting with friends
provides a group farewell
and a sense of community.
The community sense from
the sharing of food at the reception
appeals to others.
A last view of the deceased
among the mound of flowers
is a need of some.
I leave my hearing aids home.
I don't have to hear
the humor lines in the homilies.
Often just one more time
to remind all of the occasional foolishness
of the departed.
The sorrow of the passing is
not softened by a good laugh.
So without hearing aids
and no need
to participate
I sit in the back row.
I then take an hour
of uninterrupted time
to think about the hero
of this dark drama.
There are conversations
we never had.
Now is the time for them.
It will be a
very one-way conversation
for I have no faith that
you can either hear
or know
the conversation in my head.
So many things
I should have asked.
So many things
I should have shared.
So many
deserved complements not given.
And yes there were times when
I should have used candor
to clear the air between us.
My time here today could have
been any place where
I could have clear thoughts.
I ask that
they do just that
when I die.
Please avoid this solemn place,
go some quiet place and chat
at me.
My only regret that it will be
a conversation in which I can not join.
Doug Minnis
July 6,2009