How to Learn to to be Old
When I was a lad of 60
I was sure that getting old was
just a matter of counting years
and smiling bravely.
Now I have a diploma
indicating that I have learned
the hard lessons of growing old.
The curriculum was really tough
and at first I had an attendance problem,
as I could pass for late middle-aged.
Lesson one happened on my exercise path.
A small fence, which I had jumped
with ease as I jogged along a few years ago,
became a major hurdle.
One day I could not jump the railing
and had to step over it with great care.
Now I have to crawl over with little promise
that I will be able to do that much longer.
Learning to put on shoes when I no longer bend enough,
made ever so much more difficult
as I can no longer trim my toenails
which keep getting caught inside the sox.
Now about that smell of old men
and women, maybe.
I assure you the cause is easy to spot
on the floor of any bathroom.
Control is compromised and random streams
do dampen clothing as well as shoes and floors.
So mop like mad, shower with the perfumes of Arabia.
And clean clothes, washer-and dryer-fresh every day,
even if you have gotten used to the smell.
Gradually you fade away. Practice for a fitting end-game,
and soon you become almost invisible.
Once the authority on many things,
you are no longer asked
and information offered is kindly shelved.
The mobile and active days are no longer there.
Eat a meal, read a book
or just sit still and the sleep monster arrives
for naptime.
Relatives want you to be warm
so you soon have a sweater
for every day of the week
and then every day of the month.
Downsizing is clearly indicated,
but to do so sends
the “he prepares to die” signal.
Try not to forget,
write it down
and don’t lose the paper.
Multi-tasking activities
become scripts for comedy programs
starring a dazed
“what am I doing here” duffer.
An errand is put aside for
an urgent problem spotted on the way
and the earlier job undone.
So watch me closely, listen carefully,
take notes and perhaps
learning to be old will be easier for you .
Doug Minnis
December 14, 2010