Octogenarian Gym Rat


 Octogenarian Gym Rat


      No beach star kicked sand in my face.

      If the fabled bully had sand-blasted me,

            I would have moved to a safer beach

             clearly  I would not have consulted Charles Atlas.

      Nor was I interested in having six-pack abs,

                    which is like wearing

            an oversized washboard.

      I did not wince when I looked

            into the full-length mirror.

            But one day I had trouble      getting out of my easy chair.

      And I continued having trouble

            turning the lids off jars and tubes.

            Both good reasons to find a club

             and became a gym rat.

      There was no senior citizen discount

            and I could quickly see why.

            The many grey heads there looked as

            if they had been prompted

             by a whispered health warning

            from the hooded one with the scythe.


      So here I am after  a crazy mix up

              of the periodic table

                  pumping iron during my golden years.

      A torture machine for every muscle

            except the one

             to remove lids.

      I watch carefully to see if anyone is looking

                  before I lower the weights

                  on the machines left

                  by a skinny older lady.


      I read the posted message

            about proper attire.

      No jeans or open-toed shoes.

      Members were to be costumed

      as if on a movie set.

Sweat suits with famous names emblazoned.

      cross training shoes

       and headbands.

I wear my every-day clothes,

       as I have never worn the uniform

       of the day.

Proper attire for octogenarians

      need not include provisions

      for sweat absorbency.

By the 80th birthday,

      I have no juices left

       to leak on my fine silk shirt.


Doug Minnis Feb 22, 2010









I enjoyed making fun of myself on this one. How ridiculous of an old man going to a gym. Today in 2013 it i even more s as I walk in with my cane